Barista tales

Have you ever wondered what your barista is really thinking (of you) when you place an order for a coffee? It usually is not a kind thought.

Interesting that these days we all have our favourite barista with whom we think we get that special service. My barista showed me an article in The City Magazine (30 July). He said that it's all true.

The article is shown below (with some formatting and typo changes).

It’s worth a read. It will improve your understanding and enjoyment of coffee and raise your ranking with your favourite barista.

What’s your barista really thinking on the other side of the counter? The

City spoke to one who spilt the beans on what makes them steam up.

Requests for “hot” coffee

The hot water at coffee shops comes at one temperature – hot. If the 95C water in your long black isn’t hot enough, it’s probably time to look for a beverage with a higher boiling point. Very hot milk can ruin a coffee. If you ask for a very hot coffee, don’t bring it back and complain that the coffee tastes bitter. That’s because I had to burn the milk, which ruins its natural sweetness, so of course it will taste bitter. Also, if you’re complaining that your coffee is not hot enough, don’t ask me to put my finger in it so you can prove your point. Hot soy is disgusting. If someone asks for hot or very hot soy in their coffee, immediately you know they’re not interested in the taste or texture of their coffee.

Special orders

Never ask for your ‘usual’. Do you know how many hundreds of coffees I serve a day? I can’t remember your order. When your order has many options, such as: a small latte to have here, but in a large cup take away, that is half hot water, with skim milk, with extra froth and chocolate on top – go home. I’m not going to make your order right if you’re that pedantic. Just do it yourself. As a comparison – when I buy a beer, I can’t specify which shape glass, which size glass, how much head, or what temperature, so why should people be able to do the same with their coffees?

The skinny on milk

Coffee should be white or black. If it’s white, it’s full-cream milk. If you order skim, most of the time we ignore that. Fullfat milk tastes better in the coffee, has a better texture and is nicer to work with.

Customer crimes

Customers who are in a hurry, or generally rude, self important, fussy people are the worst. ‘Connoisseurs’ who have four sugars and half a litre of milk in your coffee? I don’t think so. If you have a BMI of 30, order two cakes and expect me to make your coffee with skinny milk, you’ve got no idea. If you spill your coffee, don’t expect me to make you another one for free (even though most times we do).

Made up words

Hybrid words are a pain. What is a muggasoymochacino? Do you mean a mug (or how about large?) of soy mocha cappuccino? Just keep it simple.